PATNA..... THE SAFEST CITY TO DRIVE IN!!!

The huge no. of motor accidents making the headlines recently in the leading cities of India made me wonder that which Indian city can be labelled as the 'safest city to drive in'. Yes, it does sound ridiculous, but I came to the conclusion that while driving on the roads of the iniquitous Patna might not be a thoroughly enjoyable venture, it indeed is one place where passenger safety can be given a sound guarantee. (and I ai'nt saying this 'cos Patna is my home town)
My first experience of driving in Patna involved an interesting incident. I drove out to the main road at a leisurely pace and slowed down at the first red signal that I came across.
My Dad who was sitting next to me asked," What happened? Why did you stop?"
Pointing to the signal, I said," Daddy, the signal is red, which means that I am supposed to stop, in case you dint know."
(I hate having my driving skills questioned.)
Dad replied," The signal has been the same for the last one year, and will continue to remain the same till God (or Nitish Kumar) knows when. Till when do you want to wait??? "
Two years since that day and Patna roads haven't changed much. Most of the traffic signals still display the same light while the others don't function. The affected corners and junctions are left to the mercy of the traffic policeman who chooses to visit them only when he feels an urge to flex his muscles. The traffic on Patna roads is "multi-dimensional", which means that there can be a vehicle moving towards you from any imaginable (and even unimaginable) direction. While the exponentially increasing number of vehicles in the city has already overcrowded the roads, the numerous potholes, open manholes, half built roads and encroaching vendors also play a part in making the traffic congested. Consequently, you find it impossible to shift your car from second to third gear and move beyond a speed of 20 km/hr. Not being too harsh, there are indeed FLEETING moments of adrenaline when you shift to the third gear and your car manages to notch up a speed of 30 km/hr. Well you don't really expect vehicles moving at such a miserly pace to have devastating collisions with each other, as seen in the case of vehicles zooming at high speeds. Accidents if any, are reduced to minor scratches or dents on the car body while the passengers inside remain completely untouched and unharmed.
Not just that, even the pedestrians of Patna contribute to ensure the safety of their fellow driver Patnaites. Whenever there is a break in the regular heavy traffic and the deprived driver rejoices at the sight of an empty road infront of him, the pedestrian begins to walk right infront of his vehicle to ensure that any chances of the driver overspeeding are done away with. (speeds of 40 km/h and above are referred to as overspeeding in Patna.) And needless to mention, no amount of honking can budge the pedestrian from his "PASSENGER SAFETY MISSION." (man.. don't Patnaites care for each other !!!)
Also, if there is a rare occasion of the pedestrian failing to accomplish his mission and the driver managing to over speed, Mother Nature herself interferes and guarantees that the driver returns to his senses.
Confused ??
Read on....
While driving in Patna if you suddenly realize that the traffic infront of you is moving around an obstruction right in the center of the road, you should not be surprised. The obstruction (God forgive me for using this word) is none other than our very own GAI MATA (‘The Holy Cow’) who makes certain that we erring humans do not endanger our lives while driving. And needless to say, in Lalu Land (yes, we still call Patna by that name) nobody dares try moving a Cow from her place.
I am rest assured that there is no other city in India which has so many different forces guarding its drivers. I am quite sure that all those friends of mine who would have doubted my sanity while reading the title of this post would choose to agree with me now. And if there is still anyone who doesn't, he is invited to visit The Great City of Patliputra.